There are three basic areas of coaching from which it derives its affect.  The IAC is beginning a series or articles  describing evidence based coaching.  Here is the first installment with a small introduction to coaching.

DISCOVERING
The focus of discovery is where the initial concentration of each
coaching engagement tends to reside, involving the acquisition of new wisdom, a
revelation or a fresh perspective that the client is realizing through the
coaching relationship and the interactive processes of questioning, listening
and reflecting.

 APPLYING
  Clients are encouraged to actively plug their newfound discoveries into
their life.This involves applying the knowledge they have gained during
coaching sessions to everyday life, thereby facilitating sustainable change. It
is this process that ensures steady, progressive and purposeful development and
is driven by the processes of holding clients accountable and clients taking
action.

 INTEGRATING
  The habitual existence of the new behavior is embodied within the
integrating aspect.This is the point at which the client’s discoveries
have been interwoven into their life.The client has established a sustainable,
ongoing life adjustment producing full integration. This process is facilitated
predominantly through clients taking responsibility and learning to
self-coach.

There are a tremendous number of strategies that parents and adults can engage to reduce the risk of their teens, kids, daughters, nieces and granddaughters becoming pregnant before they are ready.  Here are 10 strategies or tips you can consider.  Likely…these are things you already know and have practiced at times or may be engaging regularly.  They are not rocket science and should be familiar to you.   Research supports that these common sense approaches work and can delay teens from becoming sexually active or encourage them to use contraception.

Think about our society and how it has changed over the past 50 years.  In the 1950s there were so many “stay at home Moms” who were there for their kids or at least had that opportunity.  Today, most families have 2 incomes with parents out of the house working long hours.  Grandparents, close family and friends are frequently more involved in raising kids than ever before.  These tips, though parent oriented, are certainly applicable for other trusted and caring adults in your teen’s life.  If these “involved adults” are on the "same page" and our teens receive a more consistent message then the more effective these strategies can be.

Let’s get started with Strategy #1: Be Clear About Your Own Sexual Values.   Talking to your kids about sex can be awkward and stressful but it is worth the effort.  There are books you can research to help you with “how” to bring it up and engage the subject meaningfully.  Regardless, if you get a book or not it is important to know what you believe on this subject and then…talk to your teen.  Here are some questions for your own values clarification:

• What do you really think about school-aged teenagers being sexually active - and perhaps even becoming parents?
• Who is responsible for setting sexual limits in a relationship and how is that done, realistically?
• Were you sexually active as a teenager and how do you feel about that now? Were you sexually active before you were married? What do such reflections lead you to say to your own children about these issues?
• What do you think about encouraging teenagers to abstain from sex?
• What do you think about teenagers using contraception?
• Beyond practicality, what do you believe is morally and ethically “right”?

Stress comes to us in various forms and in various ways.  There are biological causes like hormonal stress, anxiety caused by nutritional deficit and toxicity in the brain.  There are stressors that come upon us at home, the office and life at large that are familiar to us.  In all of this, we react in ways to cope and we move in patterns of response that we have learned over the years.  Some of these have served us well at times though many have not and leave us ineffective in addressing the stress storms of our life.

These perfect storms of anxiety are triggered.  Yes, we have learned over time to become “hurt”, “stuck”, “frustrated”, “angered”, or “frightened” by events, words, thoughts and situations that remind us of our past and...we react out of our established patterns.   These patterns can be changed with the right tools.  Imagine being in that “same old” situation and responding with calm, clarity, decisiveness and “holy cotton pickin’ smoke”…happiness.   It is entirely possible and even probable that these stress producing habits can be changed if the tools you use have intervening strategies and allow you to detach from the usual path of thinking. 

So, here is one simple strategy for addressing stress.  Identify the top 3-5 anxiety producing life situations or storms.  Frequently, (often with help) we can predict the areas in our life where we will experience stress.   Worthy of noting here is that these top 3-5 situations may account for 75% of your issue.   Write these situations down and devise a ‘working plan” ahead of time.  

Here’s an example of one situation: “I fear losing my job when my boss corrects me or challenges me to step it up.  Then, it takes me 4-5 days to get over the intense anxiety I feel.”  I had a client in a similar situation very recently.  Here is the short and oversimplified version of how we addressed it.

Question: What do you want to create for yourself in this situation?
Answer: I want 3 things…

1. To handle the conversation responsibly by addressing the boss’s exact concerns.
2. To feel good and without stress about the outcome
3. “To enhance the respect my boss has for me in the way I address the issue” became “create an opportunity for my boss to respect how I address the issue”.

Question: What are the options you could choose that fulfill your criteria?
Answer: Please note that we brainstormed for a while and eliminated some options as they left my friend still feeling stress.  Additionally, we cannot make some one respect us as mentioned in the 3rd criteria above.  However, we can create an environment conducive and even persuasive to that end.  Here’s what the client decided had the best chance of “working”.

1. Scheduled time with the boss as soon as she entered the office the next morning to revisit the discussion.
2. Gave an honest assessment of the input she had received on a personal basis (i.e. took ownership of her mistake) but also reviewed what she believed to be a contributing and somewhat flawed business process as it lacked quality controls.
3. Offered a solution to improve the process that had “quality checkpoints”.

Note: The client was stress free just by coming up with an option that met the “3 things” criteria.  It may not happen that way every time but it did here.  In fact, she said, “My boss will love this as she will know I am committed to the success of the business unit she leads.”  Also, there was a pattern here of the client's boundaries being ignored by "superiors".  So, taking genuine ownership of her mistake combined with offering a solution "superior" to the methodology in place was monumental in affirming her own self worth (regardless of what the boss concluded).

She took action that morning and the boss responded as she had predicted.  I love it when a plan comes together.  There is more to the stress tool (the Now Method) than I have explained here and I want to add that we went through a troubleshooting process in case the response of her supervisor was less than desirable.  The point is that an intervening strategy was employed that broke an old pattern of anxiety.   Additionally, the NOW Method along with other tools from WindRiver Strategies is easy to use and repeatable.

Just a quick update for you this morning.  Some have inquired as to the continuation of P90X.  Yes...we are through Day 48.  "Yeehah" as we have passed the half way mark and continue to feel the results.  Weight loss has slowed.  I am down about 8 pounds since beginning.  I will need to take the diet up a notch or two if I want to see more pounds drop.  This is by far the more challenging endeavor for me.  I enjoy exercising and how it makes me feel.   Changing the diet creates an interesting study of my internal dialogue.  This being said, I do want to drop some more weight so I will address that dialogue and keep moving forward.  If you pray...I could use a few.  Thanks ahead of time for your support.

So, the goals are still BIG and we are taking one step at a time towards them.  I met a  trainer this past week who leads classes similar to P90X who encouraged me with these words, "Congratulations!  if you are 45 days+ through P90X then you are going to make it.  That's really awesome.  Most people don't get that far."  OK, I don't suppose I should feel good because of others failure but it helped me "get" that this was genuinely an accomplishment.  I'm inspired and happy that it does not take much too inspire me.

Stress, anxiety, brain strain, angst and a host of their cousins are powerful forces in the way of happiness, health and enjoyment of life.  Stress is not some far-fetched conceptual cloud but it is like a life form residing in our minds.

Do you want to end your bouts with stress?  Would you like to find your way out of the vortex of these anxiety storms and break free from their hold?  WindRiver Strategies has a 7-week process so that you can discover the keys to your stress issues and resolve them with finality.  No one should feel stuck in a life they do not want. 

Think about his.  When you go see your physician with some particular ailment, what does the doctor do?  They take your medical history unless they already have it.  They run tests like a physical exam, x-rays, blood tests and other related assessments.  Why?  They are attempting to triangulate the results so as to properly diagnose your medical problem and select the best treatment options.

What happens when you go to your physician with a stress issue?  There are no bacteria or virus to triangulate.  Perhaps, you are told to eat healthy, exercise more and given some breathing exercises along with a prescription for some anti-depressant.  This is changing in the world of mental health very quickly.  A good professional coach, for example, is able to help you “see a thought” and breakdown the flash process in your mind that produces the anxiety outcome.  Contrary to what we once thought, the brain is not hardwired at 5 years old unable to change.  A step by step method can be applied that alters the organization of stressful thoughts allowing for demonstrable intervention.  That is, you can stop your stress.  WindRiver Strategies teaches diagnostic and therapeutic tools to bring healing and to create internal protocols that will optimize your enjoyment of life.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Have you ever been in the annoying situation where you could not remember the name of one of your own family members?
• Have you been confused or frustrated with your inability to find simple solutions for everyday problems?
• Do you find yourself overwhelmed on some days with just too many task to accomplish?
• Ever feel like you are losing control?
• Are you still experiencing conflict in a relationship you had years ago like with a parent who still interferes in your life?
• Are you at odds with your wife, husband or child and have difficulty resolving issues that seem “really minor” when you are able to think clearly about them?
• Are you bored with your life?
• Do you feel trapped by unhappiness?
• Have you ever said to yourself, “I am my own worst enemy”?
• Do you find that you have difficulty stopping the continuous loop of negative thinking that runs through your mind?
• Do your thought patterns keep you up and night and ruin your sleep?

If any of these descriptions apply then you may be experiencing the debilitating effects of downward stress spirals.  DON’T WAIT. Please do two things right now:

1. Register for a FREE Coaching session on the “About” page and in the comment section say, “stress”.
2. Call us at 919-306-1741 and leave a return number is you get our answering service.  We will get right back to you.
   

“Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple.”  (from Apple)

There is little commentary needed.  Just listen to Steve in the video below.

All parents and all kids want some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  I believe the number one complaint of all parents concerns the disrespectful behavior of their teens whether it is the rolling of the eyes, talking under their breath, swearing or simple refusal to obey a simple “request” (more likely a requirement).   This kind of interaction can drive any of us crazy and it needs to be addressed or it can lead to more serious problems.  Disrespect can easily escalate to screaming, pushing or physical violence.  Question: when you feel disrespected how easy is it to be a nurturing parent?  Is the answer “near impossible”?  Well, an absolute part of the solution we seek lies in our ability to nurture, love and communicate the softer side of our feelings to our kids. 

No one wants to be treated disrespectfully.  So, let’s start by communicating clearly what it is.  Have you ever said something kindred to “from this point on there will be no more disrespect”?   This definition is too wide open.  It’s not clear what it means.

 “Telling You No Was Not Disrespectful (from Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager by Sells)

Thirteen year old Jackie did not like to follow the rules.  When her mom asked her to do something like homework or clean her room, the first answer was usually no.  Jackie also liked to roll her eyes and mumble under her breath.

Each of these behaviors irritated her mother to no end.  One day the mother decided to take action and wrote up a contract.  At the top it read “NO MORE DISRESPECT”.  At the bottom it stated that the consequence would be no phone use for that day.

After dinner that evening, the mother asked Jackie to wash the dishes.  Jackie crossed her arms, rolled her eyes and said, “No”.  Her mother immediately pointed to the no-disrespect contract posted on the refrigerator and told Jackie that she had just lost all phone privileges for the evening.  Jackie stormed out of her chair screaming that saying “no” was not disrespectful.  Saying “no” was not on the written contract. A bitter argument then ensued over the definition of disrespect.

Mom learned her lesson.  The next day when Jackie woke up, she saw the following version of the disrespect contract posted on the refrigerator:

"DISRESPECT: The New & Improved Definition

Jackie,

I will now literally and exhaustively define the term “disrespect.”  You will be considered disrespectful if you do any of the following things:

1.       Use the word “no” or refuse to do what I ask the first time…like clean your room, wash the dishes, feed the cat, etc.

2.       Swear, yell or use gestures like rolling your eyes or mumbling under your breath.

3.       Mimic me in an unflattering manner.

4.       Follow me all over the house nagging me when you don’t get your way.

5.       Tell a lie (that I can prove is a lie).

As your mother I reserve the right to add to this list at any time if you come up with new disrespectful behaviors in the future.

Love,

Mom”

To create a similar definition specific to you situation answer the following questions.  What does my teen do, say or display in behavior that is disrespectful?  Then, make your clear list of what you would like for your teen to change.  List it under the heading, “You will be considered disrespectful when you…”  Oh and by the way, it’s a good idea to reserve the right to modify your definition whenever you desire to do so.

See more on Family Coaching page.

The incredible irony of the stress response is that it evolved from animalistic surroundings to the social and psychological environments of today.  Instead of being stalked by a hungry lioness, today it's a tailgating SUV, an approaching test, a sales deadline (why do we even need to call it a “dead”-line), quarterly reports, expense reports, a child’s performance in sports or theater or the terrorist alert level surpassing orange.

“Your heart pounds, chest heaves, muscles tighten.  Senses sharpen, time slips into slow motion and you become impervious to pain. Under certain conditions, this would be an appropriate healthy reaction, because now you are prepared to do battle. The trouble is, however, that you are probably still sitting in your car or at your desk – stewing in your own juices.” (The Franklin Institute)   We have learned in western civilization to turn on stress and anxiety without really having to think about it.  Yet, we have not learned how to turn it off.  I have taught and coached so many people who go to bed at night with their minds racing making it near impossible for them to go to sleep and wake up rested.

It’s time to relax and win the battle over stress.   Here are some ideas for you to consider:

1)      Derail your typical train of thoughts.  There are many ways to do this but here is a simple one.  Turn negative and circular thinking into affirmations.  So, you can take “I fear losing my job” and transform it to, “I deserve to celebrate creating the career of my dreams today.”  It’s all about what we believe and the perspective we choose.

2)      See your “problems” as opportunities.  Haven’t you successfully navigated most of your “problems” in the past?  Typically, the worst thing did not happen…right?  This too shall pass.

3)      Exercise.  When you get home from work today go for a 20 minute plus walk.  If you can, don’t walk on the tread master but go walk at the local park or at the beach or some other place that helps you relax just by showing up.  If you can’t, the treadmill is fine.

Additionally, if you are medically able, get a good workout 3-4 times a week.  Work up a good sweat.  Ask a friend to partner with you to help support each other’s consistency and intensity.

4)      Eat healthy.  Take a look at the “nutritarian” website as an example.  Regardless, find a way to eat that supports health, energy and vitality.

5)      What kind of music do you like?  Listen to something in your preferred genre that is peaceful, soothing and inspires “happy” thoughts.

Ok, these are some quick things you can engage today.  There are many other techniques that can even increase productivity without increasing anxiety.  Register for a FREE Coaching Session right now to discuss these alternatives.

As you likely recall WindRiver Strategies has a life coaching tool in a beta release stage called "5 Friends".  This tool allows an individual to address a core self-limiting belief in a way that eliminates it quickly (usually in one session) without the belief "coming back".  5 Friends has worked 5 out of 6 times in beta with one more client scheduled to complete the process before release.  I should mention that the 1 client who did not experience "success" in one session is making progress and will "get there" soon.  Here’s a brief article below and an interesting take of self-limiting beliefs.  I am not sure how the Top 7 was determined but you will still “get it”.

Article below from www.articlebase.com

“Did you ever find yourself in a situation where you saw someone just becoming successful or achieve a certain breakthrough and you thought to yourself, "I can never do that." Most of us probably have, even the successful individuals, at some point in our lives experience this feeling. This is the result of something called self-limiting beliefs that has been rooted in your mind.

So what are self-limiting beliefs? Self-limiting beliefs are mental blocks, negative thoughts and beliefs, psychological hindrance or even inner monsters stored in your mind. They tend to have negative effects on you, greatly limits your ability and programs your mind to discard all possibilities of ever achieving your goals and ultimately your success.

There are numerous detrimental self-limiting beliefs but I will touch on the top seven ones that I personally feel have the worst effects on people. Let us explore them first before I go into the negative effects they have on you.

1) Believing that you are not good enough to achieve anything

This probably stems from the fact that you first thought that you are not smart enough and had no special abilities or qualities and since you don't have them, then you are not worthy or you can't achieve anything great.

2) Believing that people generally don't like you

Before I tackle this, I need you to understand that I am explaining this in terms of a normal natured and perhaps even well-manered person and not in terms of a obnoxious, rude, insensitive, bad-mannered person who deserve to be loathed by people. Even then, there are ill-mannered people that are liked by others. Anyway, back to the subject matter. This belief lead you to think that no one likes you or wants to befriend you because of a flaw or flaws you have. You generally accept that you will never be liked and hence stamped that belief into your mind.

3) Believing That You Will Be Rejected

This is a very common self-limiting belief that exists in many different types of individuals from different walks of life. It exist in a student who is fearful of asking her teacher for assistance, a worker asking her colleague for help, a disciple seeking advice from her mentor, a child desperately wanting her parents to get her a new toy and especially a person trying to ask another person of the opposite sex a question or out for a date. People with this belief is driven primarily by fear; the fear that the other party might not reciprocate the way she intended and will immediately say no to her.


4) Believing that certain tasks are impossible to achieve

It is prudent to note here that I am not talking about universally/psychologically impossible tasks to achieve such as humans flying, a child being older than her parents or a fan being on and off at the same time. Rather, the tasks I am focusing are those that have been proven time and again to be very possible to achieve yet people with these beliefs limit themselves by saying they simply cannot achieve these tasks because they lack the qualities, knowledge, tools, resources, et cetera. In fact, this self-limiting belief can be regarded as a complement to self-limiting belief no 1).

5) Having a one sided track belief

People with this thought believe that there is only one solution to a particular equation or simply put that there is only one way to perform a certain task or to do things. A very appropriate example here is the current employee mindset that is rooted in most wage-earning individuals. However, please note that I am not attacking employees or I have anything against them. In fact, I sincerely admire their determination, perseverance and strength. Anyway, back to the example. Most employees believe that the only proper, "ethical" way to earn money is to work long, hard hours, sacrificing their energy, time, interests, family just so that they can earn a monthly pay check from their employers. What they fail to understand is that there are many alternatives to earning money such as running a business and investing.

6) Believing that you are destined for failure

This is one of the most damaging self-limiting belief anyone can possess and sadly it exist in a huge percentage of us. People with this belief deeply believe that whatever they do will end up in failure and because of this, they don't set out to try anything beneficial or stop halfway when trying it and ultimately they do fail. They fail not because it was their destiny to fail but because they believed it was so, they did not take the relevant effective actions and consequently fail.

7) Believing that you cannot be successful

This belief basically encompasses all the other 6 beliefs mentioned above and all the other self-limiting beliefs that are not tackled in this post. Believing ultimately that you cannot achieve success is the stepping stone towards a chain reaction of events that will steer you away from your core desires, propel you to not take effective actions and prevent you from seeing favorable results and outcomes.

So there you have it, the top seven detrimental self-limiting beliefs according to my book. Now then, while knowing these self-limiting beliefs are good, it is imperative that you are aware of the harmful effects they may have on you.

In a nutshell, self-limiting beliefs can have these effects on you:

1) lead to procrastination and laziness,

2) destroy and dampen your hopes and aspirations,

3) bring down your morale

4) make you lose complete focus of you goals, dreams and aspiration

5) deviate you from your intended successful path and goal.

And tons of other negative effects that are not covered here. I'm sure all this information has been enlightening to you. But what is it that you should do next to ensure that you will be armed and ready to counter and ward off these self-limiting beliefs?”

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