We say things like "I had no choice", "I'm between a rock and a hard place", "there was no alternative", "I had to", " I was pushed into..." and we do so sincerely.  These phrases though used frequently are seldom true.  We always have a choice though some consequences of our choices are more acceptable than others.  "I had to" more often than not means someone was pressuring me to do something and rather than "go a few rounds with them" I took a less adversarial path. 

There's nothing necessarily wrong with taking a less adversarial path but it is still a choice...our choice.  If we are between the proverbial rock and a hard place then seldom do we arrive without our own consent. These "I have no choice" stories and their synonyms are like a psychological game we play that leads to another story we may tell our self, "I am not responsible" for the outcomes because "I had no choice" or "it was not my decision".   Do any of our "I had no choice" stories authentically serve us well?  It's not likely.

A friend tells me that they would like to make more money but they would need to go back to college to get a Master's Degree to do so and...they do not have the time or money to make that happen.  "It's just not in the cards."  Really.  First, I know lots of people who  are now making "more money" who did not go back to get a Masters Degree.  The requirement for higher education is simply a story my friend tells that constrains their desire to have a better income.  Secondly,  there are plenty of people in their life circumstance who have gone back and received their Masters and found more fulfilling careers.  Thirdly, they have as much time as anyone else.  There is no shortage of time.  Could they not go on the web and find thousands of stories of people in their circumstance or worse who found a way to improve their financial well- being?  Yes...they could.  Fourthly, there are many, many online colleges that are relatively inexpensive who also accommodate busy schedules and provide financial aid.  Choose the story you want to tell.

So, How Do You Change Your Story
Well, this is a short blog so I am just going to provide a starting place.  Changing your story involves changing what you allow yourself to see. So, ask and answer these questions of yourself. 

Write the answers down.

I Am Enough

Today, I am enough.
I am smart enough.
Wise enough.
Clever enough.
Resourceful enough.
Able enough.
Confident enough.
I am connected to enough people to accomplish my heart’s desire.
I have enough ideas to pull off magic and miracles.
Enough is all I need.
Enough is what I have.
I have more than enough.
As I do all that I can do, I’m able to do more and more.
I am excited to be alive. I rejoice and re-choice every day to make my life better.
I am happy, healthy, prosperous, successful, rich, loving, loved and beloved.
I am comfortable with myself, so I am comfortable with all others.
I confidently greet each day with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
Everyone who meets me is warmed by the radiance of my attitude.
I work on my attitude continuously. I read positive, inspiring and uplifting books.
I associate with friendly, caring, nurturing people who are involved doing important things.
The people with whom I associate want more for me than I want for myself.
The projects with which I am involved WOW my soul.
I am passionately on-purpose to do good, be good and help others do the same.
I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.

Poet and philosopher, Samuel Coleridge in 1817 described a concept we likely learned in high school called the “willing suspension of disbelief” which he further described as “poetic faith”.  In other words, disbelief is really a belief or poetic faith.  In short, this disbelief can be defined as temporary acceptance as believable events or characters that would ordinarily be seen as incredible.  Coleridge suggested that if a writer could infuse “human interest and a semblance of truth” into a fantastic tale, the reader would suspend judgment regarding the implausibility of the tale.  So, as a participant in some creative work we may allow our self to “experience as real” something we know or may have reason to believe  is pure “make believe”.  

In the movie “Raiders of the Lost Ark” Harrison Ford escapes the Nazis who are looking for him by jumping off his ship, swimming to and getting on the Nazi submarine carrying his pursuers, somehow making his way over to and (I guess) inside the boat itself without getting caught, traveling hundreds of miles to its destination, getting off the sub and making his way into the heavily guarded sub base without getting apprehended or drowning.  We suspend our disbelief in order to experience these outlandish and heroic efforts. 

Notice that somewhere inside you is a place where you can acknowledge or at least suspect something is not true but you still allow its influence.  When you watched “Lion King” for the first time in an audience filled with kids, what happened when the king is trampled by wildebeests?  Did not every kid in the audience start crying because Simba lost his Daddy?  This story is complete fantasy but our kids experienced it as real at some level.  They expressed real emotions.  Is it possible that what we can see and speak about as the “willing suspension of disbelief” is actually a normal, everyday real-life occurrence?   That is, this dynamic happens outside the world of literature and Hollywood.                                                                                                                                                                                   

Consider

What fantastic tales repeat in your personal, internal dialogue that create negative emotional outcomes for you?  Is there some negative self-perception like “I’m not good enough”?   Take 5-10 minutes to write down everything you can think of, all the evidence that supports “I am good enough”.  Call your most supportive family & friend(s) and ask them for more information.

How we see things makes a difference to how we feel about our life?  What is the story you make up about the picture above?  Can you make up more than one story?  Which one is true?  Does one story feel better than the other?  What do you want to create in the story you tell?

COMING SOON: "I Am Good Enough" Affirmations & How To Change Your Story and Make It Better

"Golf is a mental game, especially at the higher levels.  This is why it’s important for golfer’s to develop a strong inner game or mental toughness.  You see players all the time who have “great talent”, but rarely play up to their potential. The problem is that golfers are not educated about the mental game mostly because their instructors or coaches didn’t stress the importance of mental toughness when their student’s were learning to play. In Golf your decisions, thoughts, images, and feelings set up each swing.

Mental training helps players develop key mental skills to compliment the mechanics or physical aspects of their game. What most people do not know is that mental training isn’t just for players who have challenges with their game, but also for players who want to improve their overall performance. Coaches and players have used mental training for years to gain a competitive edge in golf.  Confidence, trust, focus, and composure are the everyday lessons I teach my students.  Understanding these components allows players to become mentally tough and improve their performance.

To develop mental toughness in golf there are several mental skills that you can learn. From my work and research in golf, I have discovered that golfers who are playing in the zone are composed, in control, confident, and focused. Most golfers have experienced the zone, if only for a short time. And every golfer can learn to develop a mindset that helps them enter the zone more frequently by learning how to be confident, focused, and in control of game.

Mentally tough golfers are at an advantage in competition because they have…

• An awareness of the zone and the feelings associated with playing in the zone.
• High self-confidence or a strong belief in their skills or ability to play well.
• The ability to fully immersed in the task or totally concentrate in the present.
• A narrow focus of attention or the ability to focus on one specific thought without distraction.
• The ability to swing effortlessly or let it happen when it counts.
• Emotional control or the ability to remain calm under pressure.
• Clear and decisive mind or not over thinking and doubting their decisions.
• The ability to refocus or collect themselves after mistakes or a bad shot.
• Fun, whether they are 10 over par or two under par.

A strong mental game is crucial for all golfers. To develop a strong mental game it takes commitment to working on your mental toughness daily over weeks, months, and even years. To be successful with mental toughness training, golfers must learn how to apply it to games and practice. It’s easy to pick up a book on mental training and then forget about the strategies you learned one week later. The key is to find a mental game system to apply to practice and competition on a daily basis."
by Mike Edger, from Sports Psychology

Respond to this articles with your thoughts on life and business applications.

LINsanity

Kam Williams describes, “Jeremy Lin was born in Los Angeles, California on August 23, 1988 to Taiwanese immigrant parents. Encouraged by his father, he developed a love of basketball at an early age.  Raised in a Christian family, Jeremy’s faith guided and supported him as he chased his hoop dream of playing basketball in the NBA. Known for his relentless work off court and on, the young phenom led his Palo Alto high school team to a state title against nationally-ranked Mater Dei, an overwhelming favorite.

The Bean Series
You Are A Coffee Bean...Being Brewed to Perfection (Part 1)
Risk, Weeds and Mistakes Make Us Better (Part 2)
We Are Like The Sumatran Coffee Bean (Part 3)

Despite his All-State level play, however, no Division 1 college recruited Jeremy. So, he enrolled at Harvard University, which does not offer athletic scholarships.  Undrafted by the NBA out of college, he nevertheless impressed scouts in the summer league going up against the No. 1 draft pick. He was eventually signed—but later cut—by the Golden State Warriors.  A brief stint in Houston ended unceremoniously on Christmas Day, 2011. Jeremy was subsequently picked up by the New York Knicks. In early 2012, on the verge of being cut again, he rose to prominence as a starter, unlikely team leader and improbable NBA sensation.  “Linsanity” was born! He’s been the Houston Rockets’ starting point guard since landing a three-year, $25 million deal.”

He faced racial “taunts” as a kid and lived a life of being underestimated on the court.  He had no chance of playing in the NBA though he would sign and be dropped by three NBA teams.  Had his dream in hand, lost it.  Had his dream in hand, lost it.  Jeremy had his dream in hand with a third team “sort of” because he only played a whopping seven minutes in the preseason.  He was picked up by a fourth, the New York Knickerbockers in 2012 with the knowledge that he would be playing backup to every other player on the team.  Nonetheless, he has his dream back in hand.  Kam Williams on EurWeb asked this question to Jeremy in an interview in October 2013, “What was your best career decision?”  Lin answered, “My best career decision was probably not giving up when I wanted to. God as well as my family were there for me during my toughest times.”  So, I really shouldn’t say his rise was “out of nowhere” since he went through so much but I will.

From out of nowhere Jeremy Lin rose to stardom.  He was un-recruited out of high school, undrafted out of Harvard and unnoticed when he finally got his shot in the NBA.  He got his shot in similar fashion as Tom Brady.  The starter in front of him, Drew Bledsoe, was injured.  Except for Jeremy it took a trifecta of life events to enable him to get on the court.  Amar’e Stoudemire was with his family after the death of his brother. Carmello Anthony was out due to a groin injury and Tyson Chandler was on the bench in foul trouble.  Jeremy came off the bench to score 28 points with 8 assists and lead the Knicks to victory over the Utah Jazz.  I should add here that he also made 8 turnovers.  We all make mistakes and turn the ball over.  The game ended with the crowd shouting about Jeremy, “MVP! MVP!”

 Was this really a meteoric rise or just another coffee bean going through its unorthodox process, drying and being readied for brewing perfection?